my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
