i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know her cup size but not her name....
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