It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
