anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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