he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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