in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
