bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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