i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
