i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
