um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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