Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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