Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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