when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
