I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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