I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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