sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
