I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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