I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
