I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
