As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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