sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
