Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
