What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
