SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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