he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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