Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
