Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
