I am puke
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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