And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
