unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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