Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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