see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
