I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
