whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
