he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
