Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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