i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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