I think I died a long time ago.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
