i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
