umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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