Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
