You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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