I'm so fucking centered right now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
