Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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