I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
