i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
