He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
