So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
