someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize