Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
