That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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