I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
