I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
