3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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