problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
