at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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