I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
