one two three fourrrrnication!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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