Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
