Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize